Friday, November 03, 2006

About Advisory Bodies -

I’m surprised you people aren’t making more out of the Planning Commission voting me down this week. Perhaps you are learning how our gum mint works around here. For those of you who don’t know, I thought I’d offer a little civics lesson on “advisory bodies”.

That’s what the Planning Commission is, an advisory body. Basically, that means I don’t have to do what they say. All I need is four votes on the City Council, and as you know I have Saftsen, Stephenson, and Stephens. Who is the fourth you ask? Let’s just say I have a secret weapon. Or perhaps I should say, a Sue-cret weapon.

The first time I learned about advisory bodies, it was my elementary school teacher, Mrs. Rumsfeld. She used to call herself that, my advisory body. “Come by after school Matty,” she’d say. “Your so little and cherubic.” She, and her little porcelain elves all over the place, with that big piece of foam rubber stuck to her chair with the school masking tape. “My hose is bunching up Matty. Here, help me fix it.”

Then there was Mr. Hector, who caught me climbed up a tree looking in the boys PE room. I asked him if I could still be the towel boy. I tried to make friends with the tall boys. I would put a little white hat on my head, made from a folded towel, like little elf and I would take their towels to them. “I don’t want that towel,” they’d say, then they’d tear the towel off my waist, and laugh at me.

That is what led me to live a life of purity. Tell me now, Mrs Rumsfeld, I know you read this blog. How do you feel now, now that your house near the river is being torn down? And how about your house, Mr. Hector? Maybe Curt Bramble saved you from the WalMart last year, before you moved onto the bench. But I have something in mind the legislature won’t be able to save you from this time. And when I’m looking DOWN on all of YOU as I move slowly 30 feet overhead, who’ll be laughing then?

Anyway, I have to go now. I like to give these public service announcements on how our governor mint really works. This has been your free civics lesson.

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